Letting Go
by Sangha
Summary: [Seto x Serenity aka Shizuka] Oneshot. Part of a drabble challenge. Seto learns how hard it is to let go if you really love someone... how is going to cope? Find out.


This is written for the Drabble Challenge in the Seto x Serenity Awards Community on Live Journal. I recommnd visiting. If no link shows above (which I expect after ffnet's last update) go to my favorites and visit PinkStarz's site, there's a link I'm sure to 100 percent!

First Theme: SURPRISE

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**Letting Go**

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She's going to leave.

I wish I could tell her not to go but I can't. Only mere minutes left to keep up an act against true feelings, pretending strength. I hate pretending, yet I'm doing a good job. I see it as my duty.

Honesty is my strength, has always been. I was being honest whenever I said I didn't care. I'm honest, too when I say I love her. I'm way into deep now and with uncertainty I consider that as a mistake. I regret allowing myself to fall ever so much for her. It makes me feel so bad right now.

My headache grows from the lack of sleep and the tears I shred alone. I'm too weak to hold them back then. _She_ has made me weak. Once there was a time when I was glad, she broke down the wall around my heart, making me show all my emotions. Now it only hurts. It's not the old pain I was used to anyway, but another, having its root in my addiction to her.

I should have put an end to this long ago, shouldn't let her touch me, comfort me, caress me or love me. And I should have never allowed myself to love her. Then, only then, I wouldn't feel this damn pain right now.

I can't stand myself.

But I could never stop loving her.

I curse the day, which threw me into pitch black sadness…

-

"_SETO?" _

_A small smile spread itself on my face when I heard the excited voice of my girlfriend. _

"_Seto, where are you? Are you--- There you are!"_

"_What's the big deal? You're all wound up."_

"_Me? Well, I was… I have…" She chirped, totally confused. "They want me, Seto. I've got a stipendium at the University of New York! Isn't that great?"_

-

No one should be allowed to take her away from me. _She is mine_. Yet I've never dared to voice that out, knowing well enough that I had no right to declare Serenity as my property. If only she really was.

I've never considered that she might go elsewhere but here. I was blinded by my love for her. I so just want to be with her, having her in my arms, next to me, close to me, anywhere near me but not far away. The fewest time away is the best way at all. She's like a drug without I'm not able to survive anymore.

I know she had to make a difficult decision. She simply _has to_ go. It isn't a matter of want. She's got a stipendium for a high class University! Of course she can't throw this chance away. _I_ do understand. _I_ don't want to stand in her way. _I_ want her to go.

Nonetheless it makes my damn heart ache.

She hasn't seen me crying over her soon departure. She has no clue on how I truly feel. Instead she's probably disappointed and hurt that I seem so… heartless. The mutt says if our love's strong enough we'll survive. True but there's no quarantee. Serenity loves me, I _know_ she does, but as she's an easy-going person opportunities will offer. Will she give in or will she be able to cope with loneliness? Doubts unwillingly creep up in my mind.

I'm a different story. I opened up to her but this pain being apart from her may be the key that locks the door again, finally shutting down all outsiders, forever. I can do well by myself and whom I ever locked out, won't be let inside again. The risk of doing that is high.

I'm afraid of myself and my reaction. I'm instable.

I don't want her to go. I'm scared.

"I'm going to call you when I'm there." Serenity says.

I nod.

She seems nervous. We haven't spoken since I picked her up at home until now. I wish we needn't to talk at all. The faster she's gone the better. The longer she takes the more it hurts.

"Goodbye." I say, my voice cold, emotionless, not giving away any true feeling.

"Goodbye, Seto." She hugs me but I'm stiff. I can't react to her. I'd not be able to let go if I wrap my arms around her now.

She pulls away, grabbing her suitcase before she walks to check in, repeatedly looking back at me. I can feel her eyes on my back as I walk away, not able to turn and look at her once more. My eyes began to hurt, tears beginning to prick.

I walk faster as I feel the salty liquid leave my eyes. I start to run as I leave the building and hurry to approach my car. I open the door hastily, bursting inside, slumping down, my face hidden in my hands as I cry uncontrollably.

I feel like a baby. Worthless. Lonely. Lost.

Letting go is so much harder than begging to stay. How was _I_ supposed to know?

How much time has passed I can't tell when the impact and noise of the ripped open passenger's door startles me. I try to glare at the intruder but too quick I had arms around my neck and a familiar body pressed closely to mine while a auburn haired head shook at my chest, crying miserably.

_Serenity._

"I can't go, Seto. I don't want to leave you. I don't care if I'm insane. I won't go. No matter what everyone will think. I give a shit 'bout it. I'm going to stay here. With you. Don't send me away, please. I can't be without you---"

I lift her chin gently to look into her soft, tear-filled eyes and she realizes for the first time that I've been crying. She doesn't say a single word. Neither do I before I cover her lips with mine. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

I truly hate surprises.

Until this one.

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**The end.**


End file.
